Chapter - 2 THE DIVINE LANGUAGE OF THE UNIVERSE “The Awakening”
BECOMING AWARE OF
THE DIVINE LANGUAGE OF THE UNIVERSE “The Awakening” Chapter - 2
BECOMING AWARE OF
When I said “Enough is enough of this sorrow!” it was the exact time that the arrow had already come off the bow.
I realized that I had been afraid on the same occasions, encountering similar people in my life; going through similar things both in work and relationships...
Then I continued to search. In every source, it was stated that as people, we experience our thoughts, attract everything into our lives.
Did I attract everything I had lived into my life?
Am I the one who is responsible of this?
This does not make sense at all!
I did not accept it...
This thought had shaken me very badly because I had looked for the guilt outside, so far.
Why would I attract this into my life? Am I so crazy to want these things in my life? It was all clear and obvious. If I had had money, the “significant other” wouldn’t be gone. If my friend had been a decent man, he wouldn’t have taken off and piled up his burdens on my shoulders when I backed him with his debts. If my friends had been good people, they wouldn’t have left me on my own in my hard times. These outcries were occupying my mind. My head wouldn’t have quietened down. I kept thinking all the time. My mind was occupied with thoughts about how they had hurt me, how hard I had been wounded. They wouldn’t have simply gone silent!
While proceeding in the process of finding my self-being, I encountered something called the Universe. What was it like?
Scientists have claimed: The universe and everything it surrounds are made up of energy. This was very interesting to me. It was a scientific definition and I could have deemed it a proof for myself in order to believe. For, it meant that everything, including the air, the water, the earth and I, are made up of energy!
It was of importance to me that this research was in line with the disciplines of the Holy Quran, the doctrines of the holy Prophet Mohammad and the other prophets of the other religions in that I felt much safer. I would not have wanted to get onto
the wrong path while trying to find the reasons for the things I had been living so far!
There was another point that the scientists mentioned in the process of self-research: “The Law of Attraction”
The Law of Attraction says that our thoughts form a magnetic energy which attracts the things we think of into our lives.
“Come on! I cannot be responsible for the things that have happened to me!” That is how I reacted at first towards the Law of Attraction.
One part of me believed the explanations of the scientists yet the other was raising riots inside me! I had been in this dilemma for so long. As I contemplated the incidents I had gone through, I realized that I had been blaming the others for those damaging times, so far. Acceptance for attracting those incidents into my own life wouldn’t have suited me. It had been always more practical and easier to blame the others. Although I was still covered in the deepest self-despair; I had the partial mask of the old perfectionist I on my face. Indeed, it was easy to blame others or see myself as the victim. The more I continued to say “She did this to me, he left me in a financial quagmire...” etc, the more those who were listening to me had acknowledged that I was right, and that was making me happy! How beautiful it was to find supporters on the things I had been through! It was crystal clear; I was innocent and they were guilty. And people wouldn’t blame me under these circumstances. It was easier than confronting my self-being.
There were times that I got sick constantly and there were another times that I wanted to sleep continuously and not to wake up. I wanted to run away! I had thought if only I could run and disappear, everything could be recovered.
It was pretty rough to accept my life as it was. For, I was a good and decent person but I was feeling as if I was being punished by an invisible force.
I had thought for days and days constantly.
Then I realized that, the more stubborn I was the harder life was striking me. The thicker my mask was, the more painful the slogs became – even more than I could imagine. There were times that I had been conflicted deep inside. But at the end of the day, the tape was rewound. As I finally sat and thought about my past logically, I could see that I had been through my fears, anyway. Anything I thought negatively had actualized. Realizing this made me confused again. It would either
be a psychic or a person who shapes his future with his thoughts by attracting his fears.
No one but the Creator can know the future. That is what I learned when I looked backwards. In that case, there was only one option for me. My thoughts were coming into my life somehow. Henceforward, I started to grasp the idea of the Law of Attraction.
“Say nice things, provide good deeds so you can live in beauty”
The Prophet Mohammad (SAV)
As soon as I saw this, I convinced myself that in order to be live in beauty I needed to think beautiful and have beautiful intentions.
I needed to focus on the beauties of life!
Since the thoughts passing by my mind have been actualized as events and people, I noticed that I was attracting everything into my life. This frightened me at first. Because I had no control of my thoughts!!
On the other hand, the idea of my inner conflict which suggested “that I have attracted people into my life whomever been unjust with me, defrauded me, cheated on me, or abandoned me” was not acceptable in any way. I had –literally- experienced this conflict in my life for a serious matter of time. “Nooooo!” was the reply at every turn: “That woman is a bad woman, the man who cheated me is a bad man, people who lied into my face are bad people; I wouldn’t attract them into my life. I’m not a bad person. In no ways I can accept this! No one can convince me. I am in no way connected to this kind of people at all!” Then I learned that this sort of first reaction to truth was absolutely normal. Antecedents who passed this bridge persisted just as the same as I did.
There was a structure I constructed for years and tried to keep under control. There were so many concepts as “good-bad”, “beautiful-ugly”, and “correct-incorrect” -or even “carrot-and-stick” notion- inside of this structure. These old teachings and the new information I learned that “I-attract-everything-into-my-life doctrine” were not corresponding in a sense. In that, I prioritized and overrated others’ standard of judgements before mine.
I lost my way as a person trying to be happy through depending on the others’ happiness by making them happy. Because the idea that “you can’t make anyone happy unless you are” was nothing but the opposite I had ever learned so far. How scornful and self-centred was the idea of “I first” instead of the idea of “Loved ones first”... I started to realize my worthiness for the first time in spite of my prior fears of putting myself front.
Many years ago when I have been in the plane for the first time, I reacted to the air hostess negatively when she said that, in case of emergency, I needed to put the mask to myself before the child.. I had comprehended this mask idea as a complete selfishness and disagreed with her. Who were more important than I were my family members and the ones I loved! How could I did not think of them in the first place but me? But now I realize that the air hostess was right. In case of an emergency in the plane; I should have worn the mask first of all in that I could be strong and be useful to the people around me.
If you want to help others, you need to be strong firstly!
Why did it take thirty years for me to grasp this idea? And now, I had problems with accepting this thought.
Why did it take so much time to recall that it is a right to care of your “self”- and spare some time?
Another inner-conflict had broken out this time: “Why did I waste those past years?” There was a rage growing inside against me myself... On one hand there were people, incidents I was furious with; and on the other hand I was very angry with myself. To be aware of that everything I think would happen to me was scarier than this anger. In that, I was now afraid of being dragged to even worse with all the fear accumulated inside. There were so many of them:
Committing a foul,
Being accused by anything,
Letting anything go,
But the most important thing that I was afraid of was “Handing over the reins”.
I tried to accept what I had been through. It was an uneasy period. But I noticed the following as I continued to think:
I hoped “that the person I started to a work would be a good man and would not cheat on me!” My thought justified me; the person I worked with cheated on me!
I said to my friend while I was signing his debt contract as his guarantor “to be a hardworking and pay his checks regularly, thus would not to make me feel the draught” He didn’t pay his checks so I surely felt the draught.
When I bought my car with layaway, the fear was definitely like this: “What if I cannot pay and have to return it?” It precisely happened the way it supposed to be. I couldn’t pay the layaway and had to give my car to someone else. Indeed I realized that anything I had mentioned came true. “Wooow! What was this? If I purify myself from all of my fears and relocate the pros and cons of my thoughts; everything will be recovered, moreover may be get even better.” Thanks to every negativity I had been through, now the awareness was much more. And for once in my entire life, I hoped; even cheered up a little bit. The sun was rising, at last!
“If I had sunk to depth with my thoughts, well, I can reverse it and carry my life to the peak.”
I was definitely avoiding of the responsibilities of my inner problems. However, I was not that much as resistive as I had been. I meant to accept the change instead of rambling.
I had the first step with the perspective that “Everyone deserves a new beginning!”
I decided to piece together my negative perceptions I was accustomed to: The debts had piled up! And it was the only thing that I could think of. I realized that, the more I thought them, the more they grew. It was quite interesting!! I burnt myself to find a payment strategy but it kept growing bigger and bigger. The interest of it was increasing incrementally. I tried thinking positively; but only for a five-second matter of time. Then the thought was there immediately: “How am I going to pay?”
I tried to take my shot with the oddment money in my pocket by wasting it on lottery and game of hazards. Nothing I won. This time I thought that I was too unlucky and it dragged me to a darker side instead of being enlightened. I did not want to figure out how these problems were arising. A bank-roll was all I wanted in order to clear up my debts and make everything smooth. It was a waste of time, however... I was at the point where I started in the first place and try to clear my thoughts from the negativities. I only focused on my debts. And it became a mountain. Yet, finally, one night while I was thinking, all of a sudden: “WAKE UP! The debts are going to pile up as you carry on thinking of it and wasting time is all you are doing now. Focus on making money, not paying!” I did not have a job at those times, as I had quitted the one I was going to; so I tried to search for new ones, applied to some... However, “We will let you know...” was all I was hearing.
I went to many job-interviews. The result was always the same: No one either called or summoned me to work.
Then I asked to myself: “What do you do best?” The answer was obvious: “Graphical design.” So, immediately, I started a project-making process. In other words, I have taken a step forward.
Even though it was difficult, I started to focus my thoughts on my works instead of the debts still pending. During the time, I realized that when I think of my work instead of the debts, wealth and abundance were flowing towards my life; but still for a short time. I was losing my concentration such fast that the thoughts of people who had broken my heart and the hard times were perpetually occupying my mind. It was a fact that I was not clearly and wholly accepted the idea of
attracting those people into my life. Besides, it was a real challenge for me to only focus on the work. In that, I served and worked for the others, not for me. I tried to comprehend what could it be like to do something for myself, for the first time in my life. That is why the concentration was lost so quickly. However, at those times I managed to stay focused, I could attract success. Now, all I need was to maintain that; in other words giving up on thinking of the former failures and focusing on what I do for living.
That was the only way to start a new beginning.
Would I accept that it was me who had been attracting those thoughts into life and that I had to take the responsibility of this?